Worried That Your Spouse Is Becoming Less Of A Partner And More Of An Adversary?
Have you and your partner been running up against the same arguments time and time again? Does it feel as though you no longer know how to talk to your spouse? Is an absence of emotional or physical intimacy causing you to feel like something is missing from your relationship?
Perhaps a sense of distress has pervaded your marriage or partnership, causing you to feel sad, frustrated, or confused about what is happening between you and your significant other. It could be that there has been an instance of infidelity or a breach of trust, and you are struggling with how to reconcile. Regardless of what has taken place within the relationship, you may be feeling run-down, fatigued, or drained by the ongoing tension between you and your partner.
It may be that your relationship is contending with social differences that are causing one or both of you to feel isolated. Perhaps one of you has many friends and confidantes while the other doesn’t, or maybe you have slowly begun to realize that over the course of your relationship, your network has dwindled. If this is the case, you might feel as though there is nowhere to turn to find support amid your relationship challenges or that resentment towards your partner is building.
Of course, you still love your spouse, but you may be struggling to feel good in the partnership. Maybe you find yourself thinking that if you could just get your significant other to see your point-of-view, then you could go back to having all the carefree fun that once characterized your romance. And while that may feel like a bygone era, couples counseling can help you revitalize your marriage or relationship and rekindle the spark that you two once shared.
The Honeymoon Period Can’t Last Forever
Our culture is constantly selling hot, steamy sex, and telling us that we should be getting it whenever we want. The only problem is that we aren’t taught how to achieve it or how to sustain this kind of passion and rip-your-clothes-off energy in a long-term relationship. As a result, we end up becoming confused with varying feelings about what we have versus what we wish we had. The newness of romance eventually wears off as the daily anxieties of life creep in and begin the process of reprioritizing everything else above our relationship’s passion and intimacy.
Moreover, the ethos of social media—between the memes, soundbites, and empowerment quotes that we scroll through on a daily basis—only provides us with a part of the picture and not the whole view. Little truisms get shared among large and varying communities without the acknowledgement that each relationship is its own construct and subjected to its own nuances. This one-dimensional view of the world instills an all-or-nothing ideology in which our partner is either fatally flawed or entirely perfect, with no room for anything in between.
Sure, we all have well-meaning friends, family members, and peers who we turn to when the romantic going gets tough, but these networks lack the training and perspective to understand that there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to giving marriage advice. Even when seeking helpful, expertly written materials or resources on couples counseling, there can be wildly opposing ideologies and methods on how to improve communication and increase intimacy. Yet, we still try dozens upon dozens of different strategies—only to wind up with the same result.
The reality is that it’s you and your partner alone who maintain the wisdom about how to live your lives and create your most functional relationship. Only within that unique, relational space that belongs to you as a couple can you begin the process of therapy, finding individualized solutions to meet the needs of your marriage.
Couples Counseling Allows You To View Your Marriage From A New Vantage Point
Therapists like me maintain a trained eye for spotting continuous and counterproductive behaviors. With an ability to observe the patterns that you may not be able to see just yet, a counselor can help you begin the process of fostering the change you want to see in your marriage or partnership. From a supportive and unbiased therapeutic space, couples counseling gives you the chance to really focus on what is happening in your relationship and what each of you is experiencing.
My approach to therapy in particular stems from a psychoanalytic relational and theoretical approach that relies on an ability to view a relationship from the perspective of the people in it. Pairing my expertise with over two decades of experience in the therapeutic field, I have a knack for recognizing patterns and accessing the viewpoints of each individual within a partnership. As such, I am prepared to tailor couples counseling sessions to meet the unique needs of each client.
We will begin the process of therapy by getting a general sense of what your relationship’s needs and wants are and how we can create realistic goals around those needs and wants. As we deepen into the work of repair, you will gain a better sense of what your partner is experiencing, and your relationship patterns—both healthy and unhealthy—will become increasingly obvious.
The way I see it, patterns in people are like mathematical fractals—complex, nuanced, and mutable. If even the slightest alteration is made to the tiniest part of the fractal, the whole image begins to change and take new shape. This same ideology applies to couples, and counseling with me provides an opportunity for each person in the relationship to observe and change these patterns. Over time, you will see all of your marital issues as connected and with the potential to improve if one small shift or change can be made.
While other counseling methods may have you using a template to communicate or express your needs in the partnership, my tailored approach to couples therapy allows you to cut to the chase so that you can integrate long-term, sustainable solutions for your marriage or partnership And though I am familiar with and draw from some of the common approaches, like the Gottman Method and Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT), I believe that psychoanalytic relational therapy has the most potential for finding newfound insight and awareness in the dynamic space that is created in our therapy sessions.
The voice in your head that is telling you it’s impossible to get what you want from your relationship is well-meaning but misguided. Lasting, meaningful change is possible, and it happens when you take the initiative to make it so.
By using the opportunity of counseling to address what is happening in your marriage or partnership now, you will begin a domino effect that will cause that sad, broken, or frustrated heart to take new shape.
Maybe you’re considering enlisting the help of a couples counselor, but you have some questions…
I’m concerned that marriage therapy will take a long time to make a difference.
While it may take a while to get to the more subtle aspects of your relationship issues, my experience is that counseling allows couples to recognize patterns and make changes relatively quickly. Like anything, developing fluency in your relationship patterns takes practice. However, as you work your way from the big to the small, you will notice a shift to the entire picture, getting ever closer to the nitty-gritty subtleties of your marriage.
How will I know that I’m choosing the right couples therapist?
Beyond training and education, the quality of the therapist-client relationship is hands down the most important thing to ensuring your success for couples counseling. You’ll likely know pretty quickly whether or not you can click with or trust your therapist, and most of my clients can tell from reading my site or any of my listings that we will be a good match. Trust your instincts and don’t let your fear of finding the right therapist get in the way of you seeking counseling for your marriage.
How can I find time in my day for couples counseling?
Of course, you lead a busy life full of demands. However, I believe that one silver lining to the COVID-19 pandemic has been that therapists and clients alike have recognized the beauty of telehealth and online counseling services. I aim to make couples counseling extremely easy and accessible for all parties and can even see you and your partner/spouse from different locations during the day if you work separately from one another.
Stop Problematic Patterns From Becoming Toxic Cycles
If you are missing the intimacy, investment, and excitement in your relationship, couples counseling can help you gain perspective on the behaviors that are creating obstacles in your marriage. For more information about how I can help or to schedule a free, 15-minute consultation, email me or contact me via my website today.
Please note that due to COVID-19, all couples counseling sessions will be done online for the time being.
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